I am no expert in mental health, nor am I a therapist, but I’ve gathered a few experiences and learnings that you might relate to, or that might help you heal or feel less alone on this journey.
Leading a Dual Life…
Enjoying.. giggling with friends/colleagues and suddenly something strikes. You feel numb.. completely broken and lonely even in a crowd… confused.. unable to express.. managing to put up a smile, trying your level best to hide that unknown emotion… wondering which is your true self.. the one who goes about daily.. dressing up, confident.. happily contributing in the workspace.. guiding people.. helping colleagues, feeling content with worklife.. coming home to love.. cooking favourite meals for the loved ones.. spending quality time with them.. having the best time of the day.. spending time with the better half. But slowly as the day unwinds and all the clutter clears. There I meet it again — The GRIEF.
That intense emotion that makes you feel completely hollow, even if you have the world at your feet. That one emotion you are not able to justify, especially as time passes by, but it just doesn't seem to go away.
(Kabhi Khamosh Baithoge kabhi kuch gungunaaoge, main utna yaad aaunga, mujhe jitna bhulaoge)
Force Fitting Your Grief in the Time Box
“It's been more than a year, and you are still stuck there?”
“For how long are you going to cry about it?“
“It’s high time you move on.”
“I lost my parent at the age of 4 years/ I lost my partner after so many years of relationship.. but I’ve moved on and so should you.”
And many such unkind words do more damage than good. Technically, grief lasts between 2-4 years with 5-6 stages from denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Emotionally, it's there with you throughout. You never escape grief; eventually, you just learn to be with it without it affecting you deeply.
Self-Doubting Your Grief
Have you just made it up? Are you making it a big deal when it isn't?
You realize your pain is not understood by others. You self doubting whether you should be grieving for such a long time. Whether your grief is being unreasonable, as it's taking so long. You start feeling ashamed of this emotion. You feel embarrassed. You try to hide it from people.
But pushing it under the carpet is just making things worse. It seems to come to the surface unexpectedly or at times at the cost of your health.
Does Time Really Heal Grief?
While time is the healing force and time can also be the factor that resurfaces your grief. With each year passing by and you gradually come to terms with the physical non-existence of the person in your life. You also make peace with what happened was meant that way.
Time can also bring some wounds back to the surface. Festivals, special occasions, and happy memories, or the fateful day when you lost your person, evoke sadness and loneliness.
Acknowledge & Accept It
Don't disregard it, don’t fight it off, don't feel ashamed/guilty of it, don't rush it through… accept it... It's here to stay. Make peace with it. Take your time. There is no time limit. There shouldn't be one. Don't let people decide how long you are allowed to feel your grief... It's your grief, your journey. You have to walk through it alone, even if you have your family or friends to support. No one can feel your grief, and so, only you need to decide your timeline.
Remember
Everyone’s ability to process grief is different; some people take longer to heal,
and it's OK
You are not alone
You don't need to carry it alone - share with friends/experts/loved ones
You might just help someone heal by sharing your experiences
If you've never been through grief but know someone who is struggling, don’t judge them, even if you can't help them; just be there by their side — it helps them heal.
Comments
Post a Comment