Have ever seen any parent and thought they are interfering too much in the child’s freedom? Or how many a times have you thought that your own parents are ignorant about your needs? We often tend to judge others, at times our own parents but once we are in their shoes, we realize their situation. Parenting is a no kidding business. Care too much and you become an overprotective parent and care too less and your child gets neglected. It’s all about maintaining the right balance. Today’s generation observes more of the former version of parents also termed as Helicopter Parents.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parents are the types of parents who are overprotective and overfocusing/overindulging in the life of their child/children. There is a constant rise in helicopter parenting off late in the bargain of trying to be a perfect or caring parent. We as parents want to give all the love support and care to our children, but by overdoing it we might just do more harm than good to them. While I babysit my toddler, I often ask my mom how she used to handle me as a kid without getting exhausted? And my mom replies,”you used to come to me only for eating your meals and sleeping, rest of the day was involved in playing around with children in the neighborhood. I wouldn't really sit beside you or watch over you all day long “. Making me realize how much I myself cling on to my child throughout the day with constantly worrying for her safety that makes me exhausted mentally more than physically. We as kids didn’t stay in closed flats then, doors, windows, fields, and grounds were open with no security guard but it was still a safe and friendly atmosphere. Our grandparents had more than 5 siblings and all were taken care of without their parents getting too involved in them. And you ask today’s generation if they’d like to go for a second baby, they would tell you how managing a single kid feels like more than enough for them. So why is our generation of parents more stressed about parenting? Maybe we are overdoing it. As the term suggests hovering over our children’s lives as helicopters. Yes, we do need to take care of the safety of our kids and provide them with love, care, and support but make sure you do not cross the limits. If you are amongst those parents who tend to complete the major part of your child’s assignment assuming you are just helping your child, you need to think again!
Are you a Helicopter Parent?
“Of course, we are not Helicopter Parents” is what we think. Trust me, once you become a parent, it's very easy to fall into this trap. Find out with these warning signs whether you are unknowingly parenting your kid the helicopter way :
- You tend to train their trainers in schools or classes and bargain for extra marks with them.
- You keep visiting the area or contacting them when they are away from you.
- You do their academic work
- You try to resolve their conflicts with mates or get overindulged when they play with their friends
- You do all their chores, assuming they are still too young for it.
- You do not let them fall or fail.
- You make every choice for them whether big or small.
If you could relate to any one of the above signs, you know by now you need to change something.
Here’s why we need to stop Helicopter Parenting our kids.
Each action of ours, our attitude, body language all of it have a great influence on our kids. Children learn, grow, adapt and enact depending upon what they have been exposed to. Following are some negative impact of Helicopter Parenting:
- Lack of decision-making skills
So you’ve been deciding for him, from which shoes to wear to which college he needs to study in. How do you think he will be able to make bigger decisions in life later on? Which is extremely important. No wonder helicopter-parented kids have a hard time making decisions.
- Low self-esteem
By being beside them all the time, protecting them from falling or failing anywhere, we unknowingly imbibe in them, that the world is full of danger and they need our protection and guidance always. As a result, they begin to lack confidence in most of the areas of life.
- Poor social connections
You proudly call yourself his/her best friend but make sure you are not the only one. Since you been there for them always, they might need not really need another friend. But it's important for them to mix up, socialize and connect with others of their age group and develop social and communication skills too.
- High levels of Anxiety
Dependency on parents for facing any situation makes children overanxious when left on their own.
- Attitude problem
Many a time helicopter-parented kids turn out to be rebellious as they have always been controlled by their parents and have been suppressed of their emotions and choices. At times they also develop a strong sense of entitlement to everything that they want as they have been provided as such in their childhood. Making them feel that they are the center of the universe.
- Lack of Value
While you try to provide the BEST of things to your child, he/she may not realize the value of things and develop an attitude that everything in life comes easily and effortlessly.
Possible Causes Helicopter Parenting
No, we are not labeling you as “Bad Parents”.We know you want the best for your child and therefore we want you to come out of this style of parenting that can hamper your child unintentionally.
One of the most common causes of becoming a helicopter parent is “compensation for the love and care that the parents themselves were neglected of in their childhood.” We feel that our children should not face the harsh world and go through the struggles that we did in our childhood. But in this process, we fail to remember that it’s the struggles and hardships that we went through in our childhood that helped us survive and overcome difficulties later in life.
Another strange reason for becoming a helicopter parent is competition. There is so much of competition in the world, that you do not want your child to be left behind. You want him/her to get the BEST. You want to give your Best and try to be the Best Parent. We want to give them the best home, best school and all BEST things in life, keeping them away from “NOT SO BEST” situations. And when such kids face the reality in future it becomes overwhelming for them to handle it.
How do you stop this Helicopter Parenting?
If you have just figured out that even you have been trying to raise your child the helicopter parenting way, here’s how you can try to discontinue it.
- Stop living on their behalf: Let them unbuckle their own shoes, let them laundry their own clothes, let them talk and resolve their conflicts with their mates. Allow them to learn and do things they can by themselves as per their age.
- Let them experience: Don't protect your child to the extent that you deny them the experiences of success, failures, independence, taking risks etc. Afterall as your child deserves them and most importantly learns and grows better with it. Be there for them, guide them but let them deal with it.
- Stop the constant concern: Take precautions, teach them safety measures, trust their ability and let go. Worrying too much about your kiddo all the time will get you just mentally exhausted. Be an observer and intervene only when its necessary.
- Allow them to decide: Giving them the opportunity to make small choices for themselves from early life, helps them build confidence and decision-making power when they grow up as an adult. Of course, you need to ensure that the choice they make should be good for them and if that's not the case help them making the right one.
- Get some me time: Many a time we get so involved in our child’s life that we forget we have our own life too. Look after yourself, focus on your goals and other relationships while you are parenting your kiddo. Don't make your child the center of your universe and make some time for yourself too. This will help you and your child to have some privacy in your respective lives.
The trick to avoid from helicopter parenting is to be there for your children just as much as required.
There are no “Perfect Parents”, we all are learning, let's learn from our mistakes and prevent others from making them by sharing this post with them.
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