WHAT MUST HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM??

Have you ever been in a situation when somebody’s sudden absence has been bothering you although they were never a significant part of your life? Two such instances keep bothering me often.

Instance 1

I had this cute, fair, tiny nerdy friend of mine name  Alice (Named changed for confidentiality) in school. We've been in same class for most years between 5^th grade till 10^th grade.

She was a very simple, sweet girl having oldfashioned thick glass spectacles on her small face,  and was as tiny as me (having short height). She was often bullied by her one and only crush who was probably unaware of her feelings for him. She was amongst those friends of mine with whom I would get along well very easily. Last few moments I remember being with her was during my tuition classes for 10^th Grade. She used to stay in the same building where I had my classes. Many a time we used to visit her home to study or simply chill out after our classes. We all passed our S.S.C and moved to different colleges. And then I met my school bestie one day while I was studying in F.Y.B.Sc. what a joy!! We had a lot to share from gossips to fun time that we missed sharing with each other all the while. But one gossip came as a shock cum sad news that our sweet little friend Alice had been missing from some time. And what was more shocking that her parents had stopped searching for her as their Godman had claimed that she has eloped with somebody which he could see through his supernatural vision.” How could someone who was so innocent and naive have taken such a bold step?” was my first reaction, if that was to be believed. We mourned over the topic for some time and moved on. But subconsciously I was still thinking of her. I do not want to believe this god person of their’s but that the only option that sounds little better than any other fearful situation that I was imagining otherwise. Lots of unanswered questions kept lingering in my mind. What if someone has kidnapped her. Let’s assume for a second, that she has eloped,  but Is she still safe and happy? The one tiny little shy girl who couldn't express her feelings to the one she kept adoring for years in secondary school, could simply run away?

The one who believed in her deeprooted orthodox old traditions could runaway?. I remember once when I visited her home for studying, I saw a middle-aged lady draped in pure white attire sitting quietly in another room. On inquiring,  Alice told me that she is her Aunt and had lost her husband 3 months back. I asked her why does she sit in isolation, to which Alice replied with a fierce tone “that’s how its supposed to be”.I was taken aback to have seen a  literate person like Alice with such superstitious beliefs. Everyone had a choice of belief and arguing on such issues would also mean arguing with her religious teachings. We both belonged to a totally different religious background. I chose not to comment as there was already lots of disagreements between the two extreme religions, to add more to the debate.

So what must have happened within these years for her to behave so conversely?

As I said, I was never really very close to her but this incidence had affected me a little more than it should have. I could relate to the character named Dan from the movie “ October”, who suddenly becomes too attached to a girl(Shiuli) in a coma whom he had just known when she was very much conscious and lively. I started getting dreams where I meet Alice accidentally to find out that she is happily married, at times I would see her with a changed identity who has become a successful entrepreneur. In each dream that I meet her my statement would remain the same” Where have you been all this while, so glad to see you happy”. My mind was trying to give this story a better ending or a start you may call it.

Its been more than 18 years and I still get these dreams but I'm still clueless to what must have happened. All I wish and pray it was a happy ending/start for her.

Instance 2

How many times have you trespassed a beggar on the footpath, along the roadside? What do you feel about them? Well, I have this mixed feelings for sometimes there is empathy while sometimes there is a doubt(are they genuine?). Most of them are homeless, jobless some are even starving at times. I strongly feel like contributing and making their life a little better. But right now, I'm too trapped in my own matrix of work-life balance. Subconsciously trying to figure out how do I make a difference in their lives. I prefer giving them food than money. As I believe there is a huge scam of this "beggars association", where the ultimate profit gainer is some other evil group. There are also certain NGO's urging the public to stop giving money to these begging young children, disabled people or mothers carrying kids with them. Many of these kids are kidnaped, mistreated and forced to beg, some of them have to face brutality where their limbs or certain parts of the bodies are cut. These evil "beggers associate" groups know very well that most Indians are emotional and empathetic and would give money to such disabled and helpless people. A lot of times infant and toddlers are kidnapped and drugged with sedatives. Then some unknown female would carry them on their shoulders, pretending to be their mothers.No wonder most of these kids are always drowsy or asleep. There might be some genuinely unfortunate people but its almost impossible to differentiate between the two groups. Another problem in giving them money is that you place a coin in one hand and there will be 20 others who will observe you and be behind you demanding from you on regular basis.

Wondering why am I suddenly talking about beggers. Then this incidence is about a street beggar whom I had been observing during my commute. Homeless, thin old man sitting under the subway for shelter. Looking at him I felt bad and gave him a note one day. The next day too while going back home I gave him a coin. He had now seen my face and probably waited for me to give him something each time I crossed his path. The thought that “someone waits for your penny eagerly, which might not be of great value to you” made me more empathetic towards him. This continued for a week and there was a day when I was running late, so I avoided him. The next day I had a bad day at work, leaving my mind occupied with stress so once again I ignored him. This continued for a week while, subconsciously I knew, that each time I pass the subway, two eyes are on me for my mercy but I wasn't in the frame of mind to serve him then.

 Over the weekend, things had settled down and just when I was cooking for the Monday tiffin, I thought of making some extra food to give away to him.

I happily wrapped 3 parathas while going to work but when I reached the subway, he was missing. I thought I might be able to give it to him while returning but he wasn't there. This continued to happen for 3 consecutive days and it was then that I started feeling guilty and concerned as to what must have happened to him. “Maybe he moved to some other street” trying to console myself, while another reverse thought gradually crippling my mind ” what if he is in some trouble or passed away ? “. Although I had simply no connection with him whatsoever, still the guilt remained with me, that I could have bought a smile on the face or made his last few days a  little better by helping him in whatever possible way I could. Maybe I should have been more generous and less self-centered. The thought is stuck so much in my mind that it's been 2 months and each time I pass the subway, I find my guilt laying on the corner where once the beggar laid down.

It’s strange that how people go missing and what's even stranger that people don’t notice or are n’t really bothered.  Reminds me of Kareena Kapoor's dialogue from the movie Talaash.” Parvah hi nahi kisiko. Sochnewali baat hai na sahab ek ladki gayab ho jaati hai aur koi pucchnewala bhi nahi. ”

While I wonder what must have happened to them, I strongly pray for them to be safe and be at a place where the just where they need to be.

I know it a little weird, crazy piece of write up, but I decided to pen down my feelings. Maybe if that helps me a feel little better or maybe if someone crazy like me has a similar experience to share.